alright yall so heres a lil to get out of my head ....

i have been re enrolloed to school  and so far so stress ..

i lost my job a while ago and that didn't make it any easier ,, ,
i've adjusted and readjusted parts of myself and tmw i am re-adjusting again ...

i had a relapse of sanity,, paranoia  but thank god for candy, she was the grounded one in this and i still hope i'm not fucking it up ... i don't know what i would do if i lost her..and it scares the ever livin shit outta me

thank god for my fiance, i pray i can give her the life she deserves for being such a great person and so wonderful a love in my life,, it's a wonderful feeling to in love with a woman i feel is my equal in so many ways and that she is in love with me

i have to admit that with everything thats going on i still feel very blessed that things are still going and moving forward ....


i want a life and a family with her
i have so few worries when i am around her..
to me, her presence is my peace,
her embrace softens every hardships and washes away every stress and doubt in the world
i cant get enough sometimes

she makes me laugh and gets my jokes and sense of humor,, i love her sense of humor
i love it when she makes these cornie facial expressions and she pulls these funny ones all the time from outta no where and i usually don't show it as much as i want to but i love it, i get it and she knows i love it when she does it

Dear god,

    i love this woman, she's a keeper and i'll take really good care of her for ya. i won't let any hurt her. and if i can't do that i won't let em get away with it.
   
i'll love her to the end of my days.

    thanks for blessing me.


    john

see a lot has happened to me in my lil life and i want so much to be back to the confidence and surity of my place in this world and the stress doesnt help..

i am a physical person with what seem simple enough to me needs ..
touch and speak = connection

i've spilled my  heart and my mind to her and given her every key to every door in me , yet i feel detached at times and i hate it, it tortures me not to feel touched

i need to feel needed, physically and mentally.
it drives me and centers me like nothing else
i need touch to reassure me, i need the heart's feelings in tone, in voice
i know it's...i'm difficult to understand..... i think differently, a bit off-center, a little more down and to the left and lean towards the heart..

she reciprocates to me those feelings , mentally, and i know she is working on the other things
my own stresses cause my own issues, as i see "too much"
from my side isn't that what the woman you love wants ...

to see her issues, be there for her, stand by her, listen and offer advice when she asks for it

she's seen my issues and stood by me so far and for that i will always know that i love her as the last i ever want to love.....

i have a hard time relaying the things i feel and worse when explaining the things that would bring the right changes,, i feel distracted and worn thin,
i need focus
she's right in a way, if i look to hard , i'll see past what's just there..

i need to relax, i already have faith, i have trust

in my entire life , i have never know that to be true of anyone, and i find this thought hard to understand.
maybe she feels the same..i should ask her

anyway.

i was raised by good people to treat my woman as the only one
i made my mistakes early in life and ended up just realizing ,,
how could they be that right and then knowing ..
 i want to be  like them and be there for her and only her for the rest of my life ......

i am so excited to feel that way and it hurts when i don't end up feeling like that.... needed

so i ask myself every day.
how can i tell her?
 show her how i feel?
how can i do everything in me to express it to her,in one day,,every day,,
how much i appreciate her, respect her, need her
and most of all love her and want to love her more than any before.

you are my only one,


i love you candy,


THIS IS THE ROAD I WANT TO BE ON, WITH THE ONLY PERSON I WANT TO BE ON IT WITH
i will always try hardest for you, WITH LOVE TO YOU ALWAYS


john

ok so a few addon ideas to my upcoming book
 to the
 ? humps things
defined as such..... inanimate public objects subjected to photographic proof that art is alive ..... and freaky 

yes i know it's childish .but it's fun and we both enjoy it.... if you'd like to be a part of the joke.. to give yourself something to do ..... email me .. if you have  it

kiarif@gmail.com
please include
where city state location
the name of your partner,,, yes i mean the art or maybe piece of mobile sculpture
time and date and photgrapher.. so we can give credit where it's due

anyone anywhere welcome..

taste not required... just a smile

a small note .. i will not provide some silly black square over the face or eyes .. take pride in your work

so i've been researching something

yeah this was shitty .. happened 110103
i saved 2 peoples lives at this cost.... my left eye
so the local government of sugar grove and the state of illinois can't prosecute the latin king that did it...

victim of violent crimes act is supposed to help out with attorney or doctors fees
bullshit .. drained my entire savings , wasn't much but it had a higher prupose ..

thank god for family and good friends, they have my loyalty  to the bitter end , you know who you are
another one

so i have now spoken to 13 lawyers from then til now trying to find a way.. nope and come to find out a few months ago that statute of limitations is 2 years .. i can't sue the guy directly because the state has mysteriously been unable to charge let alon convict ...

so as the states case has been fucked up .. i cant go after anyone because civil is 2 years ..
why .. huh .. can it be re opened , can you do anything ,,
well sure i can live with the tabs and the degradation and loss of my eye ..

would i do it again...


in a heartbeat, the value of two lives outweighs my own .. it's not fair or right to stand by and watch a four on 2 when the four have bottle and weapons ...

i gotta give it to zinga though for saving me though and being there for me when i woke up .. it was dejavu..

anywho .. obviously i got lots of stitches 32 in my eye and almost a hundred in my face and nose


i know this is a bit gruesome, this last picture was right before  i got the stitches out.....

let see there was a supposed maseoplastic surgeon who did the work..
uhhuh .. if hes so good wait  you'll like this

here it is now
or

see it's not so bad ... but man does playin some sports , driving and playing frisbee suck i still try though   whatcha gonna do

yes i know the pics are huge , but i'm working on it ....

theres more .. keep you eye on it ...


ah ah ah ah/.....
yeah it's cheesy ,
but then that's my perogative and the schnitzylplots

schnitz - ull - plots

OK I AM APOLOGIZING AND ASKING THAT WE JUST LEAVE EACHOTHER ALONE.
IF THAT WON'T WORK , LET'S TRY USING THIS AS A MEANS OF LESS COMMUNICATION.. MAYBE FOR INSIGHT ON HOW I WAS AS A KID..

YOU HONESTLY DON'T WANT ME TO BE HAPPY...I CAN UNDERSTAND THAT
 BUT I HONESTLY WANT YOU AND KK TO BE

THANX DAVE

I'M JUST TRYING TO STAY OUTTA YOUR WAY

HERE'S A THOUGHT THOUGH.......




I'M NOT LOOKING FOR GRIEF HARDSHIP OR HOSTILITY, I'M NOT TRYING TO PICK A FIGHT OR STIR ANYTHING UP
 I DIDN'T WRITE YOU TO PISS YOU OFF, AGGRAVATE OR ANYTHING ELSE ...
LET ME BE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR ...

I SHOULDA LEFT WELL ENOUGH ALONE. 

IT WAS MEANT TO BE MORE OF ONE THOSE GLANCES 2 PEOPLE SHARE PASSING EACHOTHER IN AN ELEVATOR

BUT..

FOR ADAM, DON'T UNDERESTIMATE HIM.. IT'S NOT AUTISM..JUST DIRECT LOGIC
LABELING HIM AND MAINTAINING THAT TRAIN OF THOUGHT WITH  A LABEL IN PLACE IS JUST A BAD IDEA
..I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND FOR AWHILE, BUT I KNOW YOU'RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN FOR HIM

AT MY AGE I WAS WAY AHEAD OF EVERYONE AND BORED..
COLLEGE LEVEL ENGLISH READING AND COMPREHENSION, ALGEBRA AND FUNDAMENTAL PHYSICS UNDERSTANDING IN 3RD GRAD
ASK MY MOMMY, I'M HER APPLE LOL

ANYWAY , HERE'S A THOUGHT FOR YA THAT IS A TRAIT THAT I HOPE HE'S GOT
PHOTOGRAPHIC AND TACTILE-KINETIC MEMORY.


PUSHING SOMEONE TO DO SOMETHING MIGHT BE INFURIATING,
BUT DON'T LET IT FOOL YOU,
YOU ARE A GOOD MOM
THATS WHY I'VE DONE WHAT YOU ASKED AND STAYED AWAY

p.s instead of trying larger doses of whatever.. try to supress the anxiety in him of it all in small steady doses,
i had a very strong social anxiety, til i figured it out.. you know what happened next
buspar & ritalin 10 AND 10

ANYWHO I GOTTA GET TO WORK,

OK SO THE RECENT STINT ON MY MEMBER HAS DRIVIN A LIL COOCOO AND WELL ONLY C CAN SORT THAT OUT, UNFORTUNATELY SHE'S NOT FEELING WELL ..SO WHILE SEARCHING FOR THE PROCESSOR FOR MY SK2 I STUMBLED ,, YEAH I KNOW I'M SAYING THAT LOOSELY INTO THE LOCAL RAGS AND FOUND THIS NAIVE YOUNG SPRITE OF A OMAN AND I HAD TO VENT BOTH HERE AND ON HER WEB POST... ..... ...... I'M AT THE BOTTOM
AND I'M SIITING HERE JUST ......LAUGHING ... I'D SAY I'M SORRY TO THE YOUNG WOMAN BUT II COULDN'T HELP MYSELF ...... AND I WOULD DO IT AGAIN ....IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP .... LOLOLOLOLLLL ROFLAMO .....




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redlipsprincess 2/15/2006 10:59 pm
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-the side of the bed ( deal with the wet spot)

-covers (I will take them back)

-heat (I like to be warm)

-snoring (you will be kicked)

-radio station in car (don't even think of touching that dial)

-farting in my car (how's that window down feel?)

-smoking in my car (you could walk...)

-drugs (just say NO )

-my speed, driving, etc...( they call it passenger side for a reason)

-personal space ( don't touch my stuff-I know where it ALL is)

-Coke (not Pepsi)

-Condoms (safe or not at all)

-Truth ( the real version of it)



So ...what is Non Negotiable with you?

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norprin5
1522 posts
View my blog

2/16/2006 4:05 pm
[reply] [quote]
-the side of the bed ( deal with the wet spot) ok

-covers (I will take them back) and i'll take them back from you

-heat (I like to be warm) if i get too warm i'll just get nekkid

-snoring (you will be kicked) i'm used to that

-radio station in car (don't even think of touching that dial)

-farting in my car (how's that window down feel?) i'm good with that

-smoking in my car (you could walk...) no problem

-drugs (just say NO ) ...not even a little ganja?

-my speed, driving, etc...( they call it passenger side for a reason) as long as you're going fast enough

-personal space ( don't touch my stuff-I know where it ALL is) that's fair

-Coke (not Pepsi) absolutely!

-Condoms (safe or not at all) i got the econo-pak

-Truth ( the real version of it) as opposed to what i think you want to hear... again, i'm good with that

so...what's next?

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oneyedjack29
Ask me for a photo
0 posts

2/21/2006 8:34 am
[reply] [quote]
LET'S SEE POWER WINDOWS OR MANUAL,
OR AUTOMATIC OR 5 SPEED.. SPORT SHIFTIN..NOT AS FUNNY AS I'D HOPED ..

A REAL LETTER COULD START WITH SPELLING .. NOW THAT YOU'VE GIVEN US ALL STRUCTURE..THX

GOOD MORNING,
HERE IS THE PONDERING TO GO WITH MY DAY.
I'M JUST GONNA RAMBLE BECAUSE IT'S TO EASY

IN A SOUP FOR A LIFE, OUR FLAVOUR IS SIMPLE AND DIVERSE.
WE INSPIRE THE COLORS OF RESTORATION AND JOY BY THE MEANINGS OF HAPPINESS. IF WE COULDN'T, WE WOULDN'T TRY BBQ, SUSHI OR ROSATTI'S THE CHANGE WOULD BE TOO MUCH TO THE PEOPLE OF JOCO.

ADDIDAS MY FELINUS CANNINE DOMESTICUS (NO I DIDN'T MISUSE MY WORDING OR SOMETHING) WOULD REVERT TO SOMETHING TO SHY FOR ME TO RECOGNIZE.I'D WHISTLE AND HE WOULDN'T COME ANYMORE I LOVE YA BUDDY..

HOW ARE YOU TODAY? COULD FOLLOW WITH A STIRRING ROUND OF I'M GLAD TO HEAR THAT AND OH REALLY .. U DON'T SAYS WOULD FOLLOW .. BUT THE PROBLEM WITH THE QUESTION STIRS MISTRUST THROUGH ANTICIPATORY THOUGHT. U WANT THE WORLD TO BE HAPPY AND HONEST ..BUT THEY DON'T WANT TO WEAR A BANDAID.
THEY WANT THE ANGUISH, FORTUITOUS OF REVELATION TO TRUTH
THE TRUTH WILL EITHER HURT YOU OR HEAL YOU, BUT REGARDLESS IT'S THE TRUTH.
-JOHN WRIGHT KC, CIRC@ 1996

I COULD BE WAY OFF AND JUST FOUND A LIL PLACE TO VENT.
G, MAIL IT TO ME
BUT IT HAS WHAT YOU ASKED FOR .. TRUTH... SO WHAT'S NEXT

I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT DAY AND GOOD DREAMS, .

-J

P.S. I THOUGHT I MIGHT DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE RODE, WHILE DRINKING AN ICE COLD PEPSI, SMOKING A FINE HONDURAN, WHILE TAKING YOUR COVERS FOR A LIL SPIN AND LISTENING TO EVERY THING I POSSIBLY COULD BECAUSE I'M TOO CHEAP TO BUY XM, AND SOMEHOW I THING IT PISSES OFF PUBLIC RADIO AND THE BUTTONS LOOK SO FUN, I JUST GOTTA ... .... ...ONE MORE ...

READ THESE .-. ..-. ... ... .-.
AS FAR AS SNORING IN YOUR PERSONAL SPACE WHILE FARTING..IT'S POSSIBLE
THEN ,

BY THE TIME YOU READ >>>>>>THIS<<<<,

I/YOU SHOULD BE THINKING , LAUGHING AND SMILING...

SO, HOW IS THAT CALLING CARD.

AT LEAST THERE'S HONESTY BEFORE SYMPATHY.

I FUCKING HATE THIS PIECE OF SHIT APP AND SINCE I JUST GOT DON'E GETTING BACK HERE AFTER POURING MY HEART OUT FOR TWO PAGES  I AM WRITING THIS OUTTA SPITE....

EVERYBODY AND I MEAN EVERYBODY NEEDS TO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. I LOVE MY FAMILY , THEY CAN CALL ME , BUT EVERYONE ELSE ... I'M HAVING A BAD DAY NOW  LEAVE IT BE , PUT DOWN THE COFFE AND STEP BACK SLOWLY

it's not a wonder that i'm sane

    that be by the grace of god and his angels watching over me that my house, my loved ones and those i keep in heart and spirit,  be bountiful and confused to an end that the only answer is god, and the realization is joy and the actualization is love so that it may be spread afar past the the eagles glance and be felt in the character and presence of spirit.

keep me that my body and mind follow my spirit unto the peace, love and bidding of my father's father in heaven and by grace be saved so that his mercy and kindness be shown through the walk of agaope and the prosperity that i may share  through his many blessings.

i am his and have been so since birth.
in the rears and by joy do i  seek out a new path that i may bring a place of peace and rest to my father and mother of this world
through the struggle of my actions and the journey of my mind do i so swear to him who leads the armies of heaven , my last breath that it may work for him in the plan of puzzles and mysteries of this life and the next so that hope may be shown through plan , through me and the path of agope be  lit brighter.

it is no road or path ,
the destination finds it's own source, me or you
it is not expectation nor exception
 it's humility with clear insight, while beyond reason of why the answers to the questions unasked
it is not a crusade,
it's an adventure to find out what happens next.
it is not an action due reward
knowing and not fearing is a reward

wow so much has happened this week,

i have been hauling ass , balls out and it's been back to the kblkraqhed side of my ego. this particular individual meets a few requirements .

1) needs very little sleep and still works. normal schedule is wake at six, avoid as many possible til getting to work , bullshit with people at work get lots of jobs, do lots of jobs and then be last man out of the field and then come home... come payday, this is the formula that makes thos 2k, 3k, 4,k paychecks every 2 weeks.

this also make j get in hella shape so i end up loosin weight and finding new clothes and being able to afford them .

2. tolerates less and less bullshit.. this is near a side effect, but is still a good characteristic. it means everybody around gets the hard truth... all the time.. so all this time they say don't sugar coat it and oh i understand what you mean by the truth will either hurt you or heal you but at least it's the truth... i hope you were also paying attention to the rest of that quote.. honesty before sympathy..

there are exceptions to the ferocity to which i will give this. candy and my mom and my sisters...
yes these are women, because they know how I feel once a months

i pray every minute that when i'm working that i don't snap off or push anyone away while at work and also pray that they understand that this is just how i get when i work,, and i need to stay in tyhis mode to get shit done and not get hurt or fucked.

so far until you're in it , you just wont understand why i get into john/kblkraqhed mode and have trouble turning it off.. don't take it personally.

i've been making myself silent more lately just trying to be humble and learn. theres really great people around and i just don't know if i want to be this person again.. for right now i understand that i have to get in this mode to get the money to go to school the right way and be able to affor the things i need out there.

i don't want to lose the woman i love by becoming this person and i hope she stays by me til we get to kc and get things going there .. i want to make it so easy for you to transitiionsz that i'm going to basically sacrifice myself and my body for a month to be able to take so much stress off of you.

i love you,,,,,,, be patient , you know the person that comes out is only a small piece of me and that this has to be done . i'm not neglecting you or trying to work for other reasons. i just want to be happy and relax and that is going to happen when i get out there with you.
i am so excited about being with this woman. she is so smart and we love so much of the same things ....the futon couch cover.. that has got me so excited,,, she has got me so excited that i hate to go off to work,, but it's only for a couple hours.. i hope

it's 648 no.. my day is starting to stack up in my head with all the shit i need to do outside of work, i've watched her sleep this morning and have been kicking myself that i have to go , but to get there this is what i have to do .. i love you c, even when i hear you snore from the living room ... good morning

IN THE REALITY OF LIFE......

YOU HAVE TO RECOGNIZE:...
 WHEN ENOUGH IS ENOUGH ...
WHAT TRY HARDER MEANS, TO YOURSEL.F AND EVERYONE ELSE AROUND YOU ..
WHAT MAKING A DIFFERENCE TO EVERYONE MEANS.. TO EVERYONE..
WHEN TO RELISH IN THE EXPERIENCES OF LIFE .. AND WHEN TO MUSTER... (BRAT JOKE.. HEHE )
CARRY YOUR HEAD WHERE IT BELONGS.. ON YOUR SHOULDERS,,, LOOKING FORWARD TO WHAT'S IN FRONT OF YOU INSTEAD OF BEHIND BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN CHANGE ABOUT THE PAST ANYWAY..

have you ever wanted to tell someone something so bad just so you could move past the awkwardness of it all and get back to the things that mean the most and that you love the most about someone.

it's not a good reason, nor is it enough.. but that's not the point.. there are so many other reasons.. so many more like:
she's wonderful to me..
 she puts up with my inrticacies..
she lets me drive..
she knows how to hold me and when to tell me something.. and yes she gives me good lovinand we're not talking about just sex.. there's so much more to it and any real man knows that..
she lets me rant and go off a bit, but not to much
she knows what to tell me when she wants her own space,
she doesn't mind a schnitzlplatz or a schnitzlplopz.. ( yes there 's a difference and she is so cool to know what is is, ask us and we'll tell ya ...we're grounded like that and i love that sorta thing..
she's my muse for so much and i like to think of her in the picture of my life becasue it's so much nicer that way..
she supports me in my ventures and brings a character and wisdom to the table to help me on my straight and narrow ... sometimes .. others shecan be as scandalous as me ..not really but she'll listen and guide me back from the dark side...
she can tolerate my driving for much longer than most.. but i think of her and my mom when i drive now .... precious cargo they are to me..
i miss her when i'm not with her .. that's how i know what i feel for her is more realistic..

i'm not the kind to give up, neither is she.. she's a good woman, not a girl, a woman... i like that i know she's smarter than me in some areas,, i like listening to her.. it teaches to know what it means to be outside myself..

i find myself always wondering.. what's she doin.. how can i make her smile today??

i know what her tears mean to her.. they are so very precious and rare, with so much meaning that if you know what they are for from her, they level you  with the value of emotion that they carry from her..
i've had a few for me and didn't realize til recently all of what they meant.... i was leveled by the realization of their depth..
i envy the weight of her character and warn any not to misjudge, for i'll be standing beside her as long as she'll have me, ready to defend by all my means ..

i've said it to her and she knew but didn't..

-j

i don't get to slep til bout 12 and i am woken bright an early at 545.. now usually i don't give a shit .. i'm up and raring to go, not today

everything is sore and i hurt.. i'm checking email and ebay and i've got some ? 's .. i might end going somewhere on the bikes last ride.. it's depressing but i know that the bike runs great it needs just a lil so that's what i'm gonna do to it for the next guy

so i left my lady for her own thing last night .. not a phone cal , email or chat .. that was so hard cuz all i wanted to do was talk to her, hang out with her and kiss her and whisper lil things to her about how sweet and wonderful she is ... i hope you feel better soon

so i went to the zoo yesterday after running by c's place to get her to go .. that didn't work .. ok , i went.......it was  beautiful, different animals and the kids had a great time, there was the chance incident where a kid needed that .." what were you thinking thrownig that rock and hitting the pissiest free roaming bird that could kick your lil ass, " speech and following it up with walk a lil faster or run,, a few times.. we won't discuss who..

yep i had to get it on with another statue.. the allure is near uncontrollable,, they're just so damn cute,, ahhh

i had to get c something from the zoo... it's cute but i thought .. if she can't make 9it today i can at least tell her i miss her and couldn't stop thinking about her all day,

overall i'd have to rate the perfomance of the zoo on a visual scale for the day at about a 9 out of 10,, the birds were cool ....

ok that's it for now .. hopefully i get to see c today later on ,,,