alright yall so heres a lil to get out of my head ....

i have been re enrolloed to school  and so far so stress ..

i lost my job a while ago and that didn't make it any easier ,, ,
i've adjusted and readjusted parts of myself and tmw i am re-adjusting again ...

i had a relapse of sanity,, paranoia  but thank god for candy, she was the grounded one in this and i still hope i'm not fucking it up ... i don't know what i would do if i lost her..and it scares the ever livin shit outta me

thank god for my fiance, i pray i can give her the life she deserves for being such a great person and so wonderful a love in my life,, it's a wonderful feeling to in love with a woman i feel is my equal in so many ways and that she is in love with me

i have to admit that with everything thats going on i still feel very blessed that things are still going and moving forward ....


i want a life and a family with her
i have so few worries when i am around her..
to me, her presence is my peace,
her embrace softens every hardships and washes away every stress and doubt in the world
i cant get enough sometimes

she makes me laugh and gets my jokes and sense of humor,, i love her sense of humor
i love it when she makes these cornie facial expressions and she pulls these funny ones all the time from outta no where and i usually don't show it as much as i want to but i love it, i get it and she knows i love it when she does it

Dear god,

    i love this woman, she's a keeper and i'll take really good care of her for ya. i won't let any hurt her. and if i can't do that i won't let em get away with it.
   
i'll love her to the end of my days.

    thanks for blessing me.


    john

see a lot has happened to me in my lil life and i want so much to be back to the confidence and surity of my place in this world and the stress doesnt help..

i am a physical person with what seem simple enough to me needs ..
touch and speak = connection

i've spilled my  heart and my mind to her and given her every key to every door in me , yet i feel detached at times and i hate it, it tortures me not to feel touched

i need to feel needed, physically and mentally.
it drives me and centers me like nothing else
i need touch to reassure me, i need the heart's feelings in tone, in voice
i know it's...i'm difficult to understand..... i think differently, a bit off-center, a little more down and to the left and lean towards the heart..

she reciprocates to me those feelings , mentally, and i know she is working on the other things
my own stresses cause my own issues, as i see "too much"
from my side isn't that what the woman you love wants ...

to see her issues, be there for her, stand by her, listen and offer advice when she asks for it

she's seen my issues and stood by me so far and for that i will always know that i love her as the last i ever want to love.....

i have a hard time relaying the things i feel and worse when explaining the things that would bring the right changes,, i feel distracted and worn thin,
i need focus
she's right in a way, if i look to hard , i'll see past what's just there..

i need to relax, i already have faith, i have trust

in my entire life , i have never know that to be true of anyone, and i find this thought hard to understand.
maybe she feels the same..i should ask her

anyway.

i was raised by good people to treat my woman as the only one
i made my mistakes early in life and ended up just realizing ,,
how could they be that right and then knowing ..
 i want to be  like them and be there for her and only her for the rest of my life ......

i am so excited to feel that way and it hurts when i don't end up feeling like that.... needed

so i ask myself every day.
how can i tell her?
 show her how i feel?
how can i do everything in me to express it to her,in one day,,every day,,
how much i appreciate her, respect her, need her
and most of all love her and want to love her more than any before.

you are my only one,


i love you candy,


THIS IS THE ROAD I WANT TO BE ON, WITH THE ONLY PERSON I WANT TO BE ON IT WITH
i will always try hardest for you, WITH LOVE TO YOU ALWAYS


john

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